Thursday, March 24, 2011

A Weighty Issue

The Toilet Paper Vol. 2
A Weighty Issue
City buses can be like rotund, flatulent hookers. An economical option when you're desperate for a ride, but remarkably unpleasant when you're stuck behind one.
As Americans have grown in girth, so have concerns over bus safety. The FTA is considering raising the average assumed weight of passengers, thereby decreasing the number of potential riders.
Good news for the dude stuck next to the guy hanging three quarters over into his seat and spraying gravy fry shrapnel everywhere. Bad news for the millions of people who rely on the bus to get to work each day.
[Join the conversation about ... bus safety.]

Average weight, in pounds, of the American male age 20 and over per the CDC. For women that number is 164.7.
The assumed weight for the average bus passenger used for safety guidelines is 150 pounds, a number figured back in 1960-1962 surveys.
I hate overweight, because it implies that there's a weight standard I should be adhering to.
Camryn Manheim, actress and obviously overweight

Fair enough, Camryn. Hell, our writer hasn't seen his unit in the shower in over 15 years, but he is at least trying to lose weight the honest way: nothing but beer and pizza.
dwell time


noun. transit term for buses and rail, the amount of time allotted to pick up and discharge passengers per stop.
AKA "holy sh*t, that dude just got cut in half" time.
Public transportation reduces the nation's dependence on foreign oil and saves the United States 4.2 billion gallons of gasoline annually.
The List
Why We Are Big
Less physically strenuous jobs. Many working Americans sit behind desks for 8-12 hours a day with little or no physical activity.
The world is a faster place. Everyone is on the go. Fast food is not only high in calories but convenient and saves on cooking and dining time.
Corporate farming. More food produced cheaply using chemicals and far fewer natural nutrients.
Eating attitudes. Portion control. Food is a party instead of a necessity. Been to the Cheesecake Factory? Their entrées should be served on hoods of cars.
Lack of exercise. Do you want to be a billionaire? Invent a couch that helps people lose weight.

Instead of spending millions on bus re-design, we'd like to offer a cheaper suggestion: Put the bus stops farther apart.
A little walking isn't going to hurt anyone, and this bag will keep your loot safe on your daily

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